I Was, Am, Will Be by J.R. Rice – We’ll stop avoiding yesterdays tomorrow

I Was, Am, Will Be is Jonah Tarver’s graduation into adulthood. He presents his meditations, musings and miseries, all skewed with loss in one way or another, while hope flits through the corners of the pages, landing gently when it pleases. Several streams of consciousness are diverted into this collection. Finding a singular way to define this experimental work would be a challenge—it truly is one of one.

Time away from the life he has fallen into since the disastrous events of his senior prom is in the works for Jonah Tarver. A condensed version of a Baldwin-esque life abroad draws him in, with France, Spain, Greece and the Netherlands lending themselves as the locations of his three-month jaunt abroad. Besides taking a much-needed break from life’s pressures back home, a singular goal drives him: to write, simply for the sake of it. Poetry, non-fiction and fiction blend together, exploring a variety of themes through Jonah’s internal commentary.

Spoiler-Free Plot

In Paris, Jonah critiques the performance of tourists: their stereotypical behaviour and the predictability of their actions. He soaks in the liveliness of Paros, Greece, finding unexpected camaraderie in an unassuming place. Heartbreak awaits in Seville, Spain, where a progressive Italiana sets his emotions ablaze.

Lessons in love and lust are learned in brand-new contexts. We see a resurgence of Jonah the lover boy who wears his heart on his sleeve, for better or worse.

Brief intermissions give readers a glimpse into the stressors that have arisen back home, showing us exactly what might have triggered a sense of wanderlust from within. Introspection battles external distraction, and everything is weighed down by the prospect of a life-defining loss haunting his life back in Oakland, California.

My Take on I Was, Am, Will Be

In a traditional book series, readers expect continuity from one book to the next. While I do not know the author’s intentions when it comes to Jonah’s character from this point onwards, or whether a traditional sequel is in the works, I Was, Am, Will Be feels like perusing the character’s personal journal. It answers questions about what happens to someone like Jonah after the heavy events of the first novel that introduces him, Broken Pencils. We are shown the ways in which he’s changed, through his own perspective, and the ways his behaviour has stayed the same.

One thing that stood out to me was the parallel between Jonah and his creator, J.R. Rice: both strike me as bold characters, brave enough to create on their own terms. And that is how this piece came to fruition.

Despite not having any kind of intimate knowledge of the author himself, Jonah feels like an extension of him. He must be someone who is appreciative of music, literature and Black American culture. You can sense it in the way some parts of this book are written. There’s a rhythm to the words and sentences that gives this away. It lifts the words from the page, transforming them into a live performance.

Now, while I wasn’t the biggest fan of the repetition used across several pieces, I do think it was very effective in portraying a realistic pattern of thought within someone’s head—as was the somewhat arbitrary arrangement of the pieces themselves. Inner monologue is rarely linear. So the criss-crossing between fiction, social commentary and poetry, taking different forms within these categories, adds a structural element to the realism that lies at the very core of this book.

Age Rating

16 years and above

Content Warning

Explicit language, sexual content, violent scenes, alcohol and substance use, racism, terminal illness, and references to mass shootings, abortion, gun violence, and molestation.

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