Confessions of a Problem Seeker by Howard Steinberg – When the brain gives way to the heart

The guilt of survival manifests itself in different ways. Growing up in the latter half of the 20th century in Queens, born to Jewish immigrant parents who had narrowly escaped the horrors their loved ones succumbed to, makes for an upbringing riddled with inflictions of unresolved trauma.

Howard Steinberg narrates his story, recounting the complicated nature of his relationships with each of his family members, whilst navigating the maintenance of good health in between the fickle margins of a lifelong condition.

A dissection of his self-described neuroticism is brought to view, culminating in an expedition into the type of healing and spirituality the past version of himself would’ve considered with derision. The ups and downs of the author’s life are described with a great deal of behavioural erudition.

Spoiler-Free Plot

Moving through the world under the constant threat of slipping into a critical medical state is a burden Howard Steinberg was forced to contend with from the age of eleven. At the moment of discovery, protective instincts overwhelmed his parents’ decision making. A choice made out of love carried the potential to cause long-lasting, and even lethal damage. From these actions, a pattern emerges. Generational trauma is passed down piecemeal.

Howard’s story is offered to us, frequently relating his actions and behaviours to their point of origin—all deeply ingrained within him from childhood. As he goes through the motions of life, throughout the younger years, to his professional career, the creation of his own family unit, and his venture into psychedelic medicine and self-improvement, we get an honest, introspective commentary on the reasoning behind all actions. Revisiting the past, untethered to his ego and pathological urge to control, encourages acceptance of all the complex parts of himself.

My Take on Confessions of a Problem Seeker

At a glance, there isn’t much commonality between the author and myself on paper. Having lived on different continents to one another that are stark in their contrast, belonging to different generations, ethnicities, genders, and so on. There are entire worlds between us.

And yet…the further you get into Howard’s story, the more frequently you stumble across familiar shades of thoughts, emotions, actions, all captured so perfectly in words in a way most can live an entire lifetime without ever coming close to defining. Those intrinsic human qualities are reflected back at you. Even though the expression of these qualities do not encompass the same circumstances readers have undergone, their presence binds us all in their raw vulnerability.

When it comes to the more provocative content within this book, found closer to the end but advertised in the Author’s Note at the beginning, any preconceived expectation on how it plays out is reversed on its head.

If examined in a vacuum, the keynotes of Howard’s life constructs the image of a character archetype that isn’t particularly well-liked; a career in marketing, then in a white collar/medical or in the very least medically adjacent company role, divorced, and now choosing to explore the world of psychedelics as a self-improvement tool. Admittedly, this prejudicial viewpoint is influenced by people with a similar “resume” but with more media visibility.

However, Howard Steinberg’s story challenges this image at every turn. He has taken a genuine approach with his healing, not simply following a fad or being driven towards certain tools in the hopes of finding a quick fix magical cure to the deeply rooted problems that have manifested themselves in every aspect of his life.

His empathy and encompassing appreciation of people—sometimes detrimental as seen with Dr.Snake—is very obvious. His mindset is refreshing in its honesty; as much as most people want to be the heroes in their own story, leaving room to include those moments of fallibility make for a more endearing, entertaining and authentic story.

Call it a midlife crisis if you wish to use the colloquial—and in this instance, shallow—term. Howard’s journey into the depths of himself, sorting through tangled thoughts and emotions strewn across his path is a brave and intimate mapping of his being, charted boldly across the pages of this book for all to see.

Age Rating

16 years and above

Content Warnings

Drug Use, Holocaust, Medical Emergency, Profanity, Violence.

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